40 things the Doctor did in his spare time
by Fizz the Great
Summary: There was one episode called Pond Life where the Doctor kept on calling Amy what was going on. Ever wonder what the other phones calls would be like? "Hello Amy" "Hi Doctor..." "..." "Why are you calling me." "Im bored." "Go visit Hitler." "Ok." ...beep. "Doctor you know I didn't mean that right?" 40 short chapters! Crossovers guaranteed, Sherlock, Star Wars, Avengers, Star Trek...
1. Chapter 1: Balls

**Chapter 1: Balls**

 _Ring ring ring_

"Hello Amelia Pond."

"Oh hi Amy, just seeing how you're doing."

"Why are you calling me again?"

"Balls, I can't find my balls."

Amy stopped. "Wait what?"

"Yes, haven't you heard me? I can't find my balls anywhere. It's not in my Tardis last time I checked."

"I-" Amy coughed, "You, can't find your, balls?"

"Yes! You know where they are?"

"Um…"

"Amy?"

"Aren't they right between your legs?"

"No! I had a blue and green one. You know those small little balls that bounce when you throw them at the floor?"

"Oh that…I thought you meant…forget about it."

"Okay."

"Weren't you about to go find your 'bouncy' balls?"

"What balls?"

"Oh, just forget about it." Amy hung up. Okay, if this Doctor keeps on going on like this she's going to start worrying.

 **Hey guys, Izzy here! Please review! I love reviews so please review guys! THANKS!**

 **-Izzyisosm**


	2. Chapter 2: Boredom

**Chapter 2: Boredom**

 _RING RING RING_

"Hi, Amy here."

"Hi Amy! I've got a question to ask you."

"You again? Now what? And did you change my ringtone it's slightly louder than usual."

"I did? Oh let me fix that…"

"What do you want this time?"

"Uh…"

"You really don't know don't you?" 

"I'm bored!"

"Why don't you go somewhere?"

"There's no where to go!"

"Oh really? Says a 1000 year-old Timelord."

"Really, Amy,"

"Oh, hmm, why don't you try shooting at a wall?"

"I don't even have a gun!"

"I dunno, visit somewhere with a gun then get one!"

"Okay."

He hung up. Amy stopped to think. Probably telling him to get a gun and shoot at the wall isn't the best idea. She should see him soon but…normal life seems… peaceful. She shrugged. He'll live.


	3. Chapter 3: From a Galaxy Far Far Away

**Chapter 3: From a Galaxy Far Far Away**

 _ring ring ring_

"Hello, Amy Pond here."

"Hi Amy! Guess where I am!"

"Uh, I dunno in your Tardis?" 

"No-" _Ahhhhh-bzzzzzz, zap. My arm!_

"Uh, Doctor? What is going on?"

"No, I'm fine here. Just trying to get a gun that's all. Popped in the middle of-"

 _AHHHHHHH! Pew pew, bezzzzzzz, get reinforcements! Now! Clone-troopers report to station 20758 now!_

"Doctor?"

"Hey, get off me! No, it's a sonic screwdriver, not a saber!"

Pzzzzz

"Hey, give it back!"

 _Beep beep beep_

The call ended. Amy put down the phone. Okay, wherever the Doctor is, he happened to be there at the wrong time. Now she's getting really worried.


	4. Chapter 4: Heavily Breathing

**Chapter 4: Heavily Breathing**

 _5 seconds later…_

 _RING RING RING_

Amy sighed, "Hello, Amy here."

There was silence.

"Hello?" She looked at the phone number. It was the Doctor's. "Hello?" She repeated. This time she heard heavy breathing. "Hello?"

More heavy breathing. It sounded like some kind person breathing through a microphone. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.

"Hello, who is this?"

No answer. Just more breathing.

"Um…"

"Hey! Give me back the phone!" it was the Doctor.

"Hello?! Doctor, what is going on!?"

BZZZZZZZZ

"Hello? Hello?"

 _beep beep beep_

Call ended. Amy shook her head in confusion. Oh well.


	5. Chapter 5: Delivery!

**Hi guys, Izzy here. Sorry, it didn't really make sense to separate the 3rd and 4th chapter since they're related so I'll make an extra chapter. Thanks for reading, and I should be updating soon!**

 **-Izzyisosm**

 **Chapter 5: Delivery**

Amy couldn't help but be nervous. The Doctor hadn't called in days since the weird incident where he tried to get a gun. She wasn't sure whether she should call, or just wait till the Doctor calls back. Her fingers itched as she glanced at the phone. Okay, still not ringing.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Amy jolted up. Who's coming to her house at this state? Rory is still sleeping and she didn't invite anybody to her house. Or order anything.

She crept cautiously to the door and twisted the knob. It swung open easily.

A brown wrapped rod of some kind laid there, with a small note taped to it.

" _Special Delivery From: the Doctor,_ _"_

Okay.

Amy picked it up and brought it in. She ripped opened the brown paper and found a hilt of some kind. What in the world, she thought.

It had a button at its side, an arrow pointing up on its surface. She pushed forward on the button.

A huge blue laser of some type sprang out, cutting the kitchen table in front of her.

"Whoa! What in the world-" The laser spun out of her hand and landed on the floor. She grabbed it tightly, fumbling for the button. She pushed it down. The laser disappeared.

Then, her phone rang.

"DOCTOR-"

"Hi Amy! Saw the delivery thing!"

"Yes I sure saw it. And I almost cut my finger off with it!" Amy growled.

"Oh, don't worry, I saw people missing arms. Quite deadly battle back there in the Death Star. Shame it exploded."

"Doctor-"

"Relaaax. I'm fine."

"Doctor, how about my table-"

"Call you soon Amy, gotta run."

 _beep beep beep_

Amy slammed the phone down in anger. Then she looked at the huge chunk of wood missing from the table. She table-palmed herself. Because sometimes a simple face palm won't work.

 **Sorry, a bit long of a chapter. Hope you guys liked it! Don't forget to review, I hope we can reach up to 10 or more! Thanks people!**

 **-Izzyisosm**


	6. Chapter 6: Go Visit Some Friends

**Chapter 6: Go Visit Some Friends**

Amy was still angry at the Doctor for giving her the lightsaber. Since the fact that she cut her table with it. She read online that only the true Jedi's could wield it. Well, she obviously isn't a Jedi for sure.

 _RING RING RING_

Amy sighed and picked up the phone, "Amy Pond,"

"Amy! Sorry I hung up a bit fast last time. Was a bit busy with the gun. I nearly blew up a tree with it so I had to run. I decided it's too dangerous."

"Okay…nice to know your gun is 'dangerous'. Can you please learn your facts next time, you nearly made me destroy my house with that lightsaber."

"Hmm…So, what do I do now?"

"Umm, why don't you go visit a friend or someone?"

"Oh, a friend. Yeah, I should probably go visit a friend."

"Do you even have any friends."

The Doctor hesitated, "Of course I have friends Amy. Actually I'll go check my contacts right now."

"Great, glad to know you got friends Doctor. Well, bye then."

Amy hung up. Okay, Doctor is so far okay, I guess.

 **Hi guys, Izzy here. If you have any ideas or suggestions for his so called, 'friends' please review. Crossovers allowed, thanks!**

 **-Izzyisosm**


	7. Chapter 7: Rainbows

**Disclaimer:**

 **Sorry I don't own Doctor Who or Marvel even though I tried contacting Steven Moffat if I can have 1/10 of the credits. I even tried calling his wife. Didn't answer…**

 **Chapter 7: Rainbows**

 _Ring…ring…ring…ringringringringringringringring-_

"Ugh! Coming," Amy yelled down the hallway. She picked up the phone,

"Hello Amy here."

"Hi Amy, guess who I'm meeting…"

"I dunno a ghost."

"No…"

"Do you really want me to guess?"

"Yeeeeeeeeees…"

"Okay I give up,"

"Actually I was looking for Thor but he isn't here so guess who I found?!"

"I dunno another ghost?"

"Loki! He's like, I dunno in this weird glass cage thingy,"

" _NO! I'm trapped here and if you don't let me out I'll destroy yooooooooou!"_

"Hmmm, Doctor I advise you to stay away-"

"Don't worry he's stuck in his cage,"

"I though you were going to meet a friend,"

"Well-"

" _Hey Doctor, I'll be a friend to you if you let me out,"_

"Sorry Loki not today,"

" _I'll bribe you with skittles,"_

"I don't eat skittles…"

" _Arrgrggggrgrgh-"_

Amy heard a large boom and the Doctor shriek.

"You can break your wrist like that!"

Amy could almost feel Loki's glare on him. Suddenly, she heard a yelp of pain,

" _Oh my wrist! I-I broke it! Oh no I can feel the numbness coming, arrrrrgh! It's bleeding, help! Someone!"_

Followed by an,

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

" _My wrist! It's dying, I can feel my power being drained away… Argh, it fell off! No, my wriiiiiiiist!"_

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

" _No! My hand fell off! I'm bleeding rainbooowsss somebody help me! Ahhhhh, raaaaaaaainboooooooooows…"_

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

" _HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I totally messed you up with that!"_

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

" _You know that was all fake. My hand actually…never broke off…"_

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

" _Doctor…"_

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

" _Doctor you should take a breath before you pass out on the ground."_

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

Amy hung up. Looks like the Doctor is permanently scared for life. Knew it he should've listened to her.


	8. Chapter 8: Exteeeeeerminaaaaate

**Disclaimer: I keep on forgetting I don't own Doctor Who even though I know where Matt Smith lives.**

 **Chapter 8: Exxxxxterminate**

 _ring RING ring_

"Hello, Amy Pond."

"Hi Amy! I'm in this cave place, not sure what's going on here…"

"What are you doing in a cave?"

"Looking for something. My scanner says it should be around here somewhere but it's not picking up for some reason. Not sure why but _something_ is blocking the signal."

Amy heard small beeps as the Doctor waved his scanner around,

"Hmm…aha! Got it!"

"Glad to know."

Just then Rory walked in with a steaming cup of coffee in his hand. "Who are you calling?" he asked.

"Doctor, he's looking for something."

Rory sat down and both of them stared at the phone sitting on the kitchen table.

"Ohh, look at this! Its like some kind of great chamber. Grave for something clearly, not sure what though, really dim here."

"Why's he calling us?" Rory took a sip of coffee.

Amy shook her head, "I really have no idea."

"Okay, looks like this is it." They heard the Doctor say, "Now all I need to do is to-"

"EXTERMINATE!"

"Oh dear," they heard the Doctor whisper.

"EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!-"

 _beep beep beep_

The call ended. Rory casually took another sip of coffee and shrugged, "He'll live."

 **Hey guys Izzy here, will be updating soon! And thanks for those who reviewed or favorited. More reviews guys, tell me your opinions! THANKS!**

 **-Izzyisosm**


	9. Chapter 9: Random Quotes

**A spoiler alert for the new Star Wars seven is hinted in the author's note at the end of the chapter.**

 **If you do not wish to see it, read this chapter than skip it.**

 **Chapter 9: Random Quotes**

 _ring…ring…ring…RINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRING_

"Heeello, Amy Pond here,"

"Hello Amy, you think it's a sensible thing to go to school?"

"You? School? Somehow nothing's clicking in my mind here."

"I'm bored and there's nothing to do! Plus everybody goes to school these days."

"Listen, Doctor. Education is important but school, however, is another matter."

"Oh no you're going to ramble some crazy random quotes are you? Well, let me give you a quote. If life gives you lemons make apple juice and leave the world wondering how in the world you did it." 

"What?…" Amy was speechless, "Okaaaaaaay?" She decided to change the topic, "Well, how it you escape the Daleks last time?"

"River happened to be there and help me out."

"Oh really? I thought you had a gun."

"Remember I traded it out because it was too dangerous? People say, 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well, I think the guns help killing quicker and easier. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill many people. And that's why I _don_ _'_ _t_ use a gun."

"So what did happen back there?"

"Complicated story. Didn't I tell you already?"

"No…"

"Oh, that means my past self called you after my future self, me, called you. A bit complicated but you should get it."

"Doctor, I'm…a bit busy today…"

"Oh, I hope you won't be _that_ busy in 5 minutes." Amy could hear a smirk within the words.

"What do you mean Doctor-"

He hung up. Amy sighed and dropped the phone back on the kitchen table, taking a sip of coffee. Suddenly her mobile phone suddenly dinged with a message, making her jump. She unlocked the screen and stared at the new message. On it read:

" _I just sent my past self a message to call you in 5 minutes. Don't worry. -Doctor"_

Amy groaned, "Rory you better come here now if you want to hear the Doctor try not to die."

 **Hey guys, Izzy here. This chapter's ringing was specifically relating to my 'back to school' day. School started todaaaaay! Noooooooo! My inside voice is telling me to push the fire alarm but sadly I can't find a single one after my walk from the middle school all the way to the cafeteria. Does my school not have a fire alarm or something? What would they do if our school is on fire?**

 **Waits for Squirtle to come save us.**

 **Or Blastoise.**

 **Calls the Doctor.**

" **Doctor, our school is on fire, can you call Sherlock to text John to call the fire truck."**

" **Pleeeeeeeeeease."**

 **Lockwood is telling me to set the school on fire.**

 **Get Leo he knows what to do.**

 **Burn stuff.**

 **I should probably call Han Solo.**

 **Oh wait spoiler alert.**

 **Shh spoilers.**

 **Guess who dies in The Force Awakens?**

 **GOOOOOO PICKACHU!**


	10. Chapter 10: Bananas

**Hey guys, Izzy here. Sorry I haven't updated quite a long time since I was sick the past two days. And when I mean sick I mean lying in bed sleeping. Plus I wasted a lot of time on Playbuzz and Buzzfeed so sorry guys but hey, I watched Fast and Furious 7 though quite sad actor Paul Walker died.**

 **Well, here you go, Chapter 10.**

 **Chapter 10: Bananas**

 _RINGRINGRINGRING_

"Hi Doctor,"

"Amy! I just got a text from myself to call you!"

"Yes, we know."

"Wait a minute, 'we'? Is Rory there?"

"Yes."

"Oh, hi Ror-"

"EXTERMINATE!"

"Sorry a bit loud here,"

" _What are you doing here?!"_ Amy heard River's voice in the background.

"River? You're here too?" the Doctor exclaimed.

" _Looking for the same thing as you Timelord,"_

"Oh, a lot of Daleks are surrounding us."

" _I have eyes Doctor. Now where's my gun?"_ Amy heard shuffling from the phone. Rory rolled his eyes, mouthing an uh oh.

"Oh! Gun! Yeah right um, the gun! Uh…"

" _Doctor, why do I have a_ banana _?"_

"Bananas are great! They're extremely healthy for you and-"

" _Doctor where is my gun?!"_

"Oh, that part…"

" _DOCTOR-"_

"EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!"

"River, quick, give me the banana!"

" _What!"  
_

"Just give me the banana!" 

There was a pause.

Then, Amy heard a loud explosion.

"KAAAAAABOOOOOOOOOOOOOM."

The sound echoed around in the phone, creating static and ringing.

Then, the noises in the background subsided. There was an awkward silence as Rory shifted around in his seat.

"So…what do you think happened?" he asked quietly.

"I have absolutely no idea." Amy replied, shaking her head.

Then, someone spoke.

" _Doctor, your bananas_ _ **explode**_ _?"_

"Oi, I actually never knew but I remember somewhere along the way someone happened to give it to me…"

" _Doctor-"_

"EXTERMINATE!"

" _Quick! Run!"_

And a yell from the Doctor, "My telephone!"

Followed by a plastic hitting stone sound then hollow wooden surface.

 _beep beep beep_

The call ended.

Finally, Rory pipped up. "You know, I've been wondering, how long is his telephone cord really?"

Amy shrugged. "Well, he sure managed to drag the phone all the way to the cave that's for sure."

 **Thanks for the awesome reviews guys! Keep up with the good work!**

 **And yes I do know where Matt Smith lives, he actually has one house and one apartment. If you want to know go** **to check his address.**

 **Oh, and is it just me or is everybody excited for the new Sherlock episode?**


	11. Chapter 11: Friends

**Chapter 11: Friendship**

"Come on Koschei, let's go to the beach."

"Like what we used to do Theta?"

"Yes, like what we used to do."

"There used to be red fields."

"Yes, beautiful red fields that we used to run in."

"Remember the time I threw your textbook away?"

"That was horrible, I will get you some time Koschei."

"Oh no you won't."

"Yes I will."

"Theta?"

"Yes Koschei?"

"It's nice being back."

"I'm glad you're back too Koschei."

"I missed you Theta."

"I missed you too Koschei."

"So we're going to the beach?"

"Yes Koschei."

"Like what we used to do?"

"Yes, like what we used to do."

 **Hi guys, Izzy here. Just to tell you this is a bonus chapter to fill in for the days I was sick. :)**


	12. Chapter 12: BORED!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or Sherlock even though I stalk both actors on Twitter and Facebook.**

 **Chapter 12: BORED!**

 _ring ring ringring ring_

"Hello Amelia Pond."

"Hey Amy! Quick think of something that can keep him from being bored!" 

"Wait-what? Keep who?"

"Come on! His pacing is really getting on my nerves now."

"Keep who?"

"Sherlock! Oh wait, he stopped pacing now."

"What's he doing?"

"Staring at me."

"Okaaaaaay…"

"He's not blinking, that's creepy."

"Why are you at his house anyway?"

"I was visiting a friend."

" _You and I both know clearly that we are_ _ **not**_ _friends,"_ came a retort from behind.

"Awww, comeon! How about the time I helped get you your phone?"

" _That doesn't count!"_ Amy heard hot frustration in his voice as the frantic pacing started again, _"I need to do something! I need a case! Something!"_

Amy sighed. Sometimes Sherlock is like a child.

"Why don't you try shooting at the wall?" She suggested.

The pacing stopped.

" _You telling me…to try shooting at the wall?"_ Sherlock said. Amy can almost sense him narrowing his eyes.

"Yes, try shooting at the wall. That should keep you away from boredom for a while." Amy quickly said.

There was a pause.

Then the Doctor spoke up. "Umm, I'll be going…see you later Sherlock…"

Sherlock cocked his head as he watched the Doctor set the phone back into its case and enter his box. Interesting. That woman he was talking to. Obviously married, no child, around in her mid-thirties, wants to have a peaceful life, former companion of the Doctor but… she left him…in order to get a normal life.

Interesting.

 _Why don_ _'_ _t you try shooting at the wall?_

The words echoed in him mind.

Try shooting at the wall.

Sherlock glanced at the wall in front of him, with that hideous wallpaper and dull colors.

Yes, maybe he should try shooting at the wall.

Only, the wall seems to be…missing something.

He looked at the can of yellow graffiti spray left from the Chinese terrorist group they encountered last time.

Oh yes, he should try shooting the wall.

Except, only with a target to shoot at.

He felt a smile creeping to his lips. Its time for some artistic skills.

 **Hey guys, Izzy here. I haven't updated for quite a long time due to my recent conference in Hong Kong and school and all those stupid homework.**

 **Alan Rickman died! I cry…**

 **Fun Fact: If you bang your head against the wall for 1 hour you can burn 150 calories.**


	13. Chapter 13: And it's time for

**Chapter 13: And it's time for…**

 _ring_ _…_ _ring_ _…_ _ring_ _…_ _ring ring ring ringringring Ring Ring Ring RingRingRing RING RING RING_

 _RINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRING_

"WHO IS CALLING ME!" the Master thundered as he clambered to the ringing phone, "WHO-"

"Hello altruistic and kind customer, this is the US Congress speaking, do you want some of our beautiful farty mcfart fart fart hamburgers that are now only $99.99."

"NO!"

"…"

"I SAID NO! Now go away I'm trying to take over the world."

"…How dare you refuse me…"

"I don't care!" 

"You are testing my patience…"

"I still don't care!"

breathes heavily***

"I, Pokemon master Doctor, shall challenge you for a Pokemon battle!"

"Wha-what!"

"GOOOOOOOOO JOOOOOOOOOHN CEEEEEENAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"NOOOO, the forbidden Pokemon!"

*Whole scene explodes.*

 **Hey guys, Izzy here. Thanks for DivergentDreamer36 for coming up with a prank call idea. Thanks for the review people, you guys are awesome! By the way Theta Sigma is the Doctor's name, just if you guys don't know. :)**


	14. Chapter 14: Oscar

**Chapter 14: Oscar**

 _ringring ringring ringring_

"Hello Doctor, don't think I won't recognize your phone number from now."

"Aww come on Amy, that's cheating!"

"No, it isn't. It's called labeling the numbers that keep on calling you each day. What do you want?"

"Well, you see, I was just shuffling around Netflix you know, and I came across this movie called the Revenant."

"Oh no,"

"Hey, let me finish. Anyway… I can't be too pleased with it… but it was quite a movie so I went to go have a chat with him…and you see…chats with a person who just lost their entire family don't go too well…so…I went to the real world, and I materialized around Alejandro G. Inarritu …and I shouldn't say he was quite pleased to see me, he nearly hit me with a dictionary, but we had a talk, and we decided that the Revenant deserves some happiness!"

"Gee was that all one sentence?"

"I dunno yes?"

"Oh no if Sheldon sees this…"

"Hey, I used my commas correctly! Anyway, guess what we ended up deciding in the end?"

"Are you expecting me to say what?"

"Yes."

"Okay, then what happened?"

"Let me just give you a hint. Mr. Revenant here, is going to get his Oscar very, very soon."

 **Dun dun duuuuuuun. Uh oh, wrong person.**

 **Hey guys, Izzy here. Thanks for all the reviews, favorites, and follows. More reviews guys, you people are awesome!**

 **Mind me but I too good to be awesome.**

 **If I ever get to write a story taken place in the future, I will make one of my characters say: "For America's sake thank God Donald Trump is dead!" and make them mean it.**

 **Those who thinks Leonardo DiCaprio should get an Oscar type 'aye' into the review. :)**

 **Aye, aye, Captain!**

 **Captain** **Jack Sparrow, savvy. ;)**


	15. Chapter 15: Disabling a Bomb

**Chapter 16: Disabling a Bomb**

 _ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring_

"Amy! Help quick!"

"Doctor what's that beeping sound I hear?"

"Uhh, about that…yeah can you help me stop a bomb?"

"What do you mean by 'stopping' a bomb?"

"Uh, yeah…you see here…there's some random wires here, and it seems to be going in a countdown so… you happen to know how to disable it?"

"You think 'I' can disable a bomb?!"

"Em, yeeeeeeeeeeees?"

"Doctor! I'm in my house, about to drinking a cup of coffee, never even took any engineering classes don't even mention bomb classes, and I don't even know what the bomb looks like and now you're asking _me_ to help you disable a bomb does that sound reasonable to you?"

"Gee was that all one sentence?"

"Doctor!"

"Ok, ok, I'm panicking and it's best to not let you panic either."

"You're panicking?! Oh how come I never knew."

"Well, there's still quite a lot of time left and-OH MY RASSOLINS SAKE I'VE GOT 2 MINUTES LEFT!"

"I thought I heard something funny, you were saying something? Something about 'having a lot of time'?"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS WHOLE PLACE IS GOING TO EXPLODE IF I DON'T DISABLE IT!" 

"Ok, ummmmmm…" Amy looked around frantically, "Why don't you try cutting one of these wires thingy's?"

"Uhhhhhhhh, which one?"

Amy started to pace around, racking her brain for any little info about bombs. Wires. Cut the wires. But, which one?

She let out a frustrated noise. Ughhhh, why does it always have to be her?

"Erm…try the blue one!"

"Why blue!?"

"Well, isn't it always the blue ones in movies?"

"No, I thought it was the red ones."

"Fine, then cut the red one!" 

"What if it's wrooooooong?!"

"I don't know! Ugh, cut the black one then!" 

"Black means bad luck in China…"

 _Doggit, the Doctor's killing me…_

Disable a bomb. How? No, wires are definitely not the answer. Too risky. Then what? Button. There must be an off button. There's always an off button. The problem is, where is the button?

"Doctor, search around the bomb, try to find a button."

"A BUTTON?!"

"Yes, a button! You need to look for an off button to turn it off! Somehow!"

"Ummmmmm," Amy heard shuffling in the background as the Doctor searched for the button. Too her disappointment, the ticking continued in a steady pace.

"I CAN'T FIND IT!"

Ugggg…No… Ideas, any more ideas? Something?

Amy started her pacing again. What? What? What? What, is she missing?

Suddenly, an absurd thought hit her, so incredibly ridiculous she almost laughed out herself. Oh, how stupid. She must be losing her mind over a stupid bomb!

"Doctor, why don't you try cutting all the wires at the same time?" she said.

The shuffling stopped. "You're telling 'me' to cut all the wires at the same time?!"

"Yes."

"You're not kidding, are you?"

"No, dead serious here Doctor,"

"Ok then, Amelia Pond, hereeee I gooooooo…"

"Doctor you don't have to make it so dramatic."

Amy heard the soft snipping sound of a scissor and the tick tick ticks of the bomb.

She held her breath.

There was a snap. Silence. Then, a metallic voice spoke up.

" _Microwave indicated_ _…_ _disabled._ _"_

Amy felt her stomach drop cold.

"Wait a minute, microwave?" she asked incredulously.

"Ohhhhh, look, funny thing happened here. I happened to find a box-like thing here that occurred to look like a huge bomb. Fancy to know what to do with it?"

Amy felt on the verge off snapping the phone in a half.

"Doctor…" she tried to control her voice as much as she can, "I am so gonna kill you if that stupid bomb doesn't"

 **Ahhhahahahahahahaha, wrong bomb.**

 **Hey guys, Izzy here. Yes! Today** **'** **s the last day of school! Chinese New Year starts tomorroooooow!**

 **I went around the school today and stuck sticky notes above the toilettes saying,** **"** **To the Ministry of Magic,** **"** **and then on doors saying,** **"** **Tardis in here,** **"** **and** **"** **To Narnia,** **"** **and** **"** **221B,** **"** **and,** **"** **Here lived Wolfgang Mozart, inventor of time travel, lived from 1902-1754 and died in 2054.** **"**


	16. Chapter 16: Hello this is not John Cena

**Chapter 16: Hello this is not John Cena**

 _ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring_

"Doctor-"

"Whoa whoa whoa, I'm not the Doctor here. Are you referring to the man with the bow tie back there?"

"Yes…sorry but who is this?" 

"Tony Stark the great and mighty, defender of New York, also known as Iron Man, leader of the great team called Avengers and-"

" _Hey! Who said you were leader?!"_

"Sorry that was Steve. Anyways…"

"Wait a minute, what is going on? And you are…Tony Stark?"

"No, my name is Tony Stark the great and mighty, defender of New York, also known as-"

"Okay, okay, I know. What is going on?"

"Oh, so as you see, Amelia Pond, your friend Doctor here happened to crash in **my** house with his little telephone box thing."

"Gee, that sounds harsh. But it happens. So what's he doing now?"

"Umm, let me see…now he's annoying Bruce,"

"Who's Bruce-"

"Now he made Bruce angry."

"Who's Bruce-"

"Now he's being picked up by the Hulk."

"Who's this Hulk-"

"Now he's being chucked across the room."

"Helloooo?"

"Now he landed in a bunch of cardboard boxes."

"Mr. Stark-"

"Now he saying hello to Thor, now he's being scolded by Steve, now Nick Fury just entered, now Fury's yelling at me, now-"

" _ **Mr. Tony Stark, can you please drop that phone and drag Mr. Bow-tie back into that little box of his!"**_

"Who?"

" _ **I said, Tony Stark-"**_

"It's not Tony Stark. It's Tony Stark the great and mighty, defender of New York, also known as-"

" _Also, it's not a little box and my name's not Mr. Bow-tie even though that sounds really nice."_

" _ **You, shut up. You are trespassing private territory and-"**_

" _Yeah yeah, blah blah blah blah blah can I go now?"_

"… _ **Okay, but don't crash into this house ever again-"**_

" _Ok! So long Avengers, and hey Tony can you-"_

"'Tony' should now be addressed as Tony Stark the great and mighty, defender of New Yor-"

" _Ok, ok, I get the point! Now, hand me the phone."_

"Who?"

" _You! Hand me the phone."_

"'You' should now be addressed as Tony Stark the great and mighty, defender of New York also known as Iron Man-"

" _I get the poooooooooint! Now-"_

 _beep beep beep_

The call ended. Okay, that was weird. She hoped someday she get to meet this Tony person. Not. Oh wait, it's not Tony, its Tony Stark the great and mighty, defender of New York also known as Iron Man, leader of the great team called Avengers…

 **Hey guys, Izzy here. Sorry it's been a long time since I was at my grandma's house and there no wifi so… Finally! Wifi! And during the no wifi time I wrote some chapters so here you guys go. If you people have any ideas for the next few chapters, please review! I need inspiration! And thanks for those who reviewed, followed, or favorited. I love reviews by the way! Lol, watched Kung Fu Panda 3!**


	17. Chapter 17: Lets Kill Trump

**Chapter 17: Let's Kill Donald Trump**

 _ring ring ring-ring ring ring ring-ring_

"Hello, Amy here."

"Amy! Sorry for last time. I crashed into the Avengers meeting place and boy was Nick Fury mad! No wonder he's called Nick _Fury_ get it? Nick _Fury_?"

"Okay...so what happened with Tony?"

"Oh I just denounced his name to Mud."

"Mud?"

"Yes, why?"

"It's just…whatever forget about it. Where are you?"

"I am currently in a meeting with the **R** ainbow **P** onies **G** roup!"

"You got to be kidding me…are you?"

"Nope. They're currently plotting how to assassinate Donald Trump."

"Donald Trump? Isn't he like, running for president?"

"He is now, but won't be a few days later."

"What's their plan?"

"So they're planning to lure Trump to a cliff then make him knee to gun point then kick him off the cliff."

"What?! But don't you like, not like killing and guns?"

"That's the reason why I'm trying to make them change their mind!"

"So what's your plan?"

"Throw bananas at him."

"Doctor, you can't throw bananas at him. He's a celebrity and you'll get caught for it."

"Oh yeah, what's he gonna do? Lock me in a prison?!"

 _10 minutes later_

 _ringringringringirnginrginringirnrinignrgi_

"Amy?"

"Yes Doctor?"

"Happen to drop by and get me out of jail?"

 **Hey guys, Izzy here. Thanks for the reviews and stuff and yeah yeah yeah yeah. Since I already wrote an author's note in the chapter before here's something fun.**

 **How many fandoms can you find in this quote?**

May the shiny force be ever in your favor Potter, son of Tony Stark, as you live long and prosper at 221B Baker Street, so say we all my faithful ninjas therefore run you clever boy and remember…

-Gandalf, the wizard of Narnia


	18. Chapter 18: Imho gonna keel those aples

**Chapter 18: Imho gonna kill those apples**

 _ring ring ring ring irngirngirngirnginrignrignirngirningring_

"Hello, Amy here." 

"Imho gona keel those aples,"

"Sorry what?"

"Aples goona keel…"

"Doctor you alright there?" 

"No no, I don't want any apples,"

"Doctor?" 

"Naooo Rory not there… find pants…."

"Wait a minute, what? Doctor!" 

"Apples amy, they're coming, noooo apples don't exterminate they exterminate."

"When did I say apples exterminate?"

"No no no you got it all wrong apples don't exterminate they exterminate Amelia Pond,"

"Apples exterminate?" 

"No Pond, they exterminate, oh Ponds, dear Ponds, no no no…"

"Doctor are you sleep-walking?"

"No, ponds over there, not duck pond, no ponds,"

"Doctor, I think you're sleep calling, I'm going to hang up okay?"

"Noooooooooooo, still not ginger!" The Doctor sang.

Amy hung up.

 **Hey guys, Izzy here. This chapter kind of just came up to my mind randomly since I had to write an essay for sleep texting and I'm like, why not sleep calling? So here you go, sleep calling. I dunno why apples it just came to my mind like Benedict Sherlock Scott Khan.**


	19. Chapter 19: He WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!

**Hey guys, Izzy here. This isn't a very good chapter so I'll post a better one next time. Kind of out of ideas…need help.**

 **Chapter 19: He WOOOOOOOOOON!**

 _ringringringringringrignrignrignringrignringirngirngirngirngirnginrignringirngirngirngirnignrignirngirngirngirngirnginrirignringirngirngrignringrignrignrignrignringirngirnirgngr-_

"Hello, Amelia Pon-"

"AMY! Oooh, yes! I was right! Yes yes yes yes yes yes…HA! TAKE THAT HOLLY WOOD I finally convinced you guys! Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees everybody should thank me now…"

"Doctor, what is-what happened?"

"Oscar happened Amy! Leonardo DiCaprio won an Oscar thanks to meeeeeee,"

"Wait, he won an Oscar, thanks to you? I though you gave an Oscar to the Revenant."

"Yes, and that's Leonardo DiCaprio you couldn't possibly think I gave it too the actual Revenant bud did you?"

"…" 

"Okay, fine, I did go visit him but he was so depressed about his family he threatened to kill me so yeah…"

"What about Hollywood?"

"They let me vote and I convinced everybody to vote for Leo and then I convinced everyone to just giving him the Oscar and let's get on with it yeah!"

"So Leonardo DiCaprio finally got an Oscar?"

"Yes, the world is safe my dear Pond! Safe, now that Leo has finally gotten what he deserved."

"Ah ha, and yesterday night you were just calling me about apples very funny see you next time Doctor!"

"Ah, yes, see you next time, oh the world finally made sense…" The Doctor yelled, "Thanks to me, Leo won an Oscaaaaaaaaaaar, ha! Take that Matt Damon!"

 _beep_

 **Hey guys, Izzy here, again, and yeeeees finally! Finally Leonardo DiCaprio won an Oscar, finally! After 31 movies and 6 nominations finally!**

 **My homeroom exploded when they heard it and they were slamming tables, yelling screaming, shouting, "OOOOOOOOH FINALLY!" and the boys were hugging each other and crying.**

 **They have been waiting for this moment ever since class started. Everybody was practically crowding around the laptop on the Oscar webpage.**

 **Oh, and everybody who is happy that Leo won an Oscar please don't forget to say a thanks to the Doctor in the review. Yaayayayayayayaayayayayyaaaaaaaa**


	20. Chapter 20: Volcano Hike

**Chapter 20: Volcano Hike**

 _rING rING rING_

"Hello this is Amy,"

"Amy! You won't believe the beautiful sight I'm seeing right now, wish you were here on this hike. How exciting!"

"Where are you?"

"Ah, I dunno. Some funny planet I guess, Tardis took me here so I though she wanted me to see something."

"Hmm," Amy thought about all the times the Tardis took them somewhere. Talk about weeping angels. Yep, that cave was sure fun alright.

"Anyway, you see, I'm hiking up this big black hill thingy and whoa-would you look at that! Red liquid!"

"Red liquid as in blood?"

"No, red as in, whoa, reddish yellowish orangish blackish slimish substance and-oh my Daleks my foot is on fire!"

"Good for you,"

"How is that good for me? Well yeah I understand that my foot's a bit warm which feels pretty good but still, Amy my foot is on fire!"

"So what about it?"

"My entire foot is on fire doesn't that strike y,ou anywhere funny?"

Amy thought for a moment, "No,"

There was a frustrated growl from the other side of the line. "You're mean,"

"So is the Tardis," Amy said. Then, she hung up.

 **Hey guys, Izzy here. I'm sooooo happy about all those reviews! You guys are awesome! Keep reviewing, I'm kind of outta ideas these days but I'm planning to write a Hunger Games crossover or something or Doctor goes to China and meets Mao.**

 **And special thanks to BADWOLF1221, 44Lefty, MikeJaffa, and DivergentDreamer36 for the awesome support! You guys rock!**


	21. Chapter 21: I love Pineapples

**Chapter 21: I love pineapples**

"Hello, Amy here,"

"Ahh, Amy! Can you please explain to these peasants that I am a Timelord, the one and only left, and also the intelligence of the Timelord race?"

"Why me?"

"They don't trust me,"

"Who?"

"Ugh, them! These what so called, crew of the Enterprise! Whatever title they choose to give themselves."

" _No offending other crew members,"_ A rather monotoned voice came through the phone. _"You have 2 minutes left prisoner,"_

"Whoa, hey, I'm not your prisoner!"

" _Your spaceship appeared hostile to our ship, threatening to encrypt our code. Why should we not take precautions?"_

"Whoa hey, let me explain! Plus the Tardis isn't that mean is she? Aren't you girl?"

An angry whirling sound creaked within the Tardis.

The Doctor groaned, "Look, this lady can explain to you that I'm perfectly unhostile!"

" _That is not a word,"_ the monotoned voice replied.

"Yes it is! Right Amy?"

"No," Amy let out an exasperated sigh.

"Aww come on! Just let me ex-"

"ARE YOU READY KIDS!?"

Suddenly, a loud booming music blasted through the phone as if her eardrums were ripped into shreds

"AYE AYE CAPTIAN!" The sound spewed out of the phone as she dropped it in surprise, hands covering her ears.

"OOOOOOOOH, WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEAAAAAAA!"

" **SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!** " A male voice shouted.

"ABSORBANT AND YELLOW AND POROUS IS HEEEEEE!"

" _ **SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!**_ " This time there were more people singing.

"IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE IS SO-"

" _CAPTIAN JAMES T. KIRK!"_ the monotoned voice yelled as the song was instantly paused. _"What in the world, do you think you're doing?"_

" **We are just having some fun sir!** **"** A casual male voice responded, **"** **You know, after** _ **trekking out of darkness**_ **?** **"**

" _Captain Kirk this is unacceptable. All crew members should be-"_

"-SOMETHING YOU WISH!"

" _KIRK!"_

"SORRY SPOCK THE RADIO'S BROKEN!"

"That is totally not a radio," the Doctor retorted.

"OHHHHH SPONGE-BOB SQUARE-PANTS SPONG-"

Amy decided to hang up before the phone exploded.

 **Hey guys, Izzy here. Someone just got introduced to the 10th Doctor's seasons and when he watched the part where Rose Tyler 'died' he literally smashed his friend's computer and broke his keyboards. I'm a bit exaggerating but his computer did lag and stuff really badly.**

 **Anyway during class he was yelling, "NOOO ROSE WHY? I HATE THE DOCTOR WHY DID HE LEAVE HER THERE WHY WHY WHY OH I JUST HATE MARTHA JONES WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER!" And a bunch of other stuff and plus a few swear words along the way.**

 **This is hate at first sight people!**


	22. Chapter 22: You Better Start Running

**Chapter 22: You Better Start Running You Clever Boy**

 _Ring ring RING Ring ring_

"Hello, Amy here,"

"Okay, Amy remind me where north was again?"

"North? Just check which direction the sun is in. That will be west and east so if you want to find north that should be next to west and east…"

"Thanks Am-Run! No no, not that way the other way! No-"

"Hello Doctor?"

"Noooo, aww comeon you can't be that stupid…"

"Doctor?"

"Yes, go that way, yes I'm sure it's north, no please it's that way just go-"

He was caught off by a scream followed by silence.

"Oh dear well that didn't went well," The Doctor finally concluded.

"Doctor what's going on?"

"Oh dang it's coming my way,"

"Doctor-"

"Sorry Amy gotta run!"

"Okay…"

"Oh wait Amy which way was north again because I think I lost my Tardis,"

 **Hey guys Izzy here. RUN DOCTOR RUN! This will be continued in next chapter… :)**

 **Thanks for the reviews and favorites and follows! You guys truly rock, more reviews and stuff, I love reviews and please comment. Keep up with the good work! Negative reviews are fine too cause you can advise on my writing and stuff.**

 **I will update in two or one day (s) depending on my time.**


	23. Chapter 23: I speak Dinosaur

**Chapter 23: I Speak Cavemen. And Dinosaur.**

"Doctor what in the universe are you doing?"

"Oh, just teaching some cavemens-No run! Run that way! No that way you-ugh no run run run aww come on!"

"Doctor?"

"Run-oh dang,"

A loud roar blasted through the phone vibrating in her hand.

"Doctor?" she asked cautiously again.

"What do you mean I have to stay here? No I can't just stand here look what happened to your friend there-"

"isdjfoidsfmdfkgnfdgf" A few random rabbles were heard through the phone. Amy strained to hear what they were saying. Soon, the Doctor's voice rose up again.

"Whatdoyoumean he's not your friend?" She heard the Doctor ask incredulously. "Oi, Timelord here I can't just stand here and I bet I can run faster than any of you,"

"isoaenoifjgifdgfd" Came the strange reply. 

"No, look I can't stand here I gotta-" He was cut off by another roar, this time a hundred times louder than the first one.

"Now look, he caught up!"

Another roar rang through the phone.

"No you can not eat me, Timelord meat does not taste good,"

Amy caught a low growl, as if it was from a large beast. Make that an extremely large and hungry beast, she thought as she heard stomping after that.

"Oh yeah, so you want a bet? 1 dollar."

A few growls.

"No money? Well too bad you can't eat me."

A huge roar was emitted followed by thunderous stomping and the sound of what seemed like trees snapping.

"No, for the second time you may not eat me," The Doctor declared.

A low growl was heard and soon, the growl seemed to grow closer and closer. There was silence and Amy could hear the Doctor's heavy breathing.

"Well… you know, I just happened to know a very good cavemen restaurant down that path," The Doctor pipped up after a long moment of silence. "Sorry got to go! Love to chat but you see, my friend's calling me for dinner so…see ya!"

Amy sensed the large beast's confusion and in seconds, the Doctor was speeding away from the dinosaur.

Feet thumped the earthen ground as the Doctor's footsteps ran through the rainforest, followed by-

"CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL THIS STUPID DINOSAUR TO STOP CHASING ME?" The Doctor yelled.

The call ended.

 **Hey guys Izzy here. Please review, sorry for the long update. Next time I'll try to update as soon as possible. Like, right now once every week. I'll try to limit to that but I might have a lot of homework so… I dunno.**

 **Please review though, thanks!**


	24. Chapter 24: Low Batteries

**Chapter 24: Out of Batteries**

 _ring RINGRING ring RINGRING ring RINGRING_

"Hello, Amelia Pond,"

"Amy! You would not believe what just happened and-"

"Sorry Doctor, I can't really hear you….I think my phone's out of batteries….sorry call me later….low battery….low…batteries…" Amy made a shutting down noise that sounded somewhat like, do do do do dooo, then hung up the phone.

Well, that should keep the Doctor away for the day.

She hoped.

 **Hey guys, Izzy here. Extremely short chapter, I know, but it's a trick I want to share with you guys and try it on the phone sometime. See if they fall for it**

 **And thaaanks for the review and favorites, please review or favorite, I don't mind both, and check out my new WHOLOCK story!**

 **For fans of Matt Smith, he is filming a new movie called The Crown, so watch the trailer!**


	25. Chapter 25: I dropped my phone

**Chapter 24: I dropped my phone in the toilet**

 _ringRINGRINGringringRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGGGGGGG_

"Hello, who is this?"

"Helloo Rory, do you know what happened to Amy's phone? She said it was out of batteries so I'm just checking if I can mail her a set of 1000watts batteries that I found on Icteribale,"

"Uh…" Rory quickly glanced over at Amy, who was making violent hand motions while zipping her mouth.

Rory turned back to facing the kitchen and bit his lip uneasily, "Um…well you see….Doctor, I'm quite busy now and…whoa! Oops!" He made a dropping sound then pushed an apple into the filled sink.

"Shoot!" He yelled, sliding his phone a good measure away from him, "I dropped my phone in the toilet!"

"The toilet?" he heard the Doctor ask.

Amy walked over to the counter silently and pushed the 'hang up' button. The call ended.

"Seriously, the toilet?" asked Amy, raising an eyebrow.

Rory shrugged, "Well, we are in the 21st century, aren't we?"

 **Hey guys, Izzy here. Special thanks to 44Lefty for the calling Rory ideaaaaa. And thanks for the reviews and stuff, keep up with the good worrrrk.**

 **For those who don't know, check out Malcom1446, absolute crazy person, makes horrible IQ tests for Pewdiepie.**

 **Just watched Sherlock Christmas Special, was okay I guess. Was disappointed though. Like…7/10 or 6.5/10.**


	26. Chapter 26: This BBC News

**Chapter 26: Rory, stop dropping your phone in the toilet**

"Amy?"

"Yes Rory,"

"Uh…I think you should come and see this," Rory said, not even moving his head to look at her. Amy sighed and walked over to him, hands on her hips.

"What," she said, moving in front of the TV.

The Doctor stood there, in front of the Tower of London, with a microphone in his hand and the letters, BBC, printed on it in bold.

"Ohhh, shoot," Amy muttered.

"-and now may I please ask Amy and Rory to stop breaking their phones, phones are precious and shouldn't be used like that," The Doctor said as the wind blew around his hair making it look even more messy than before, "so I repeat, may Amelia Pond and Rory stop breaking their phones."

The microphone crackled a bit against the wind. The Doctor shifted a bit then looked up straight at the camera with a wicked grin on his face.

"Oh, and Rory?" he said.

"Yeah uh, wait-what?" Rory stammered. "Heck why am I talking to the TV?" he murmured under his breath.

The Doctor stared at them with a smug smile plastered on his face.

"Stop dropping your phone in the toilet," he said.

"Hey! Wait-a-sec I didn't drop it in it was-l"

"Hey, you there may I please have my microphone back now," said another voice from the TV.

"Oh, yeah sure," The Doctor handed over the microphone. Rory shut down the TV and threw the remote control to the sofa, landing with a small poof.

"What, you angry now?" Amy asked, a smirk playing at her lips.

Rory spun around in a circle and put his hands to his head, "Why does he have to tell the whole world?" He cried, "On the news!"

 **Hey guys, Izzy here. I haven't updated in a long time, lol. Found a really cool Superwholock comic online, should go read it! It's called:**

 **.com**

 **Check it out! :)))**


	27. Chapter 27: Sweater YO-YO

**Chapter 27: YO-YO**

 _ding dong._

"Rory go check who's at the door,"

 _ding dong ding dong ding dong ding ding ding ding din-_

"Oi, shut up there I'm coming!" Amy yelled as she stomped down the hallway. She flung open the door, ready to see the mailman or _someone_. Who would even come to their house at this time and day? Instead, she was meet with the grinning face of, the Doctor.

"Wha-what are you doing here?" She asked. She silently scolded at herself in her mind about how incredulous she sounds.

The Doctor's face fell a bit but suddenly brightened as he remembered what he was about to say.

"Look Amy I knitted a new sweater for you!" He said happily, lifting up what seem to resemble a fluffy rabbit blob from one of the Star Trek movies.

"Uh…that's a sweater?" Amy asked, slightly shrinking a bit.

The Doctor frowned, "Of course it's a sweater my dear Pond, I hand knitted it myself,"

"Well, that explains a lot," Rory said from behind.

"Sure it explains a lot," The Doctor beamed, not getting message.

"Um, that sweater, sure looks a lot," she said.

"Sure it looks a lot. I picked the yarn from the planet Yagrzukiya, there's a ton of rainbow sheep there. Got it straight from them. Sure there ware a lot of bugs in them but I put syrup in it so now they're all gone. Maybe I should take you guys there some day-"

"Er, no Doctor, we're fine thanks," she said quickly as a large shinny beetle, the size of her hand, crawled straight from the sweater then dropped on the floor with a plunk.

"Oh gosh I think I need to hurl," Rory said from behind.

Amy watched as he ran off to the bathroom with his hand in front of his mouth. She stared awkwardly at the poop-colored sweater while both of them stood there hearing horrible puking noises coming from the bathroom followed by an ominous flush.

"Uh…." she said, trying to think of something to say but her mind was blank.

Note to self, never let the Doctor knit, ever, again.

 **Hey guys, Izzy here. Thanks for Etimire T for the awesome idea, you rock! Going a bit off track for this one, trying something new. Maybe not all will be phone-calls :)**

 **Have espionage project tomorrow, need to smuggle my paper past the 7th graders. Get to bring one mystery item. I'm bringing a weeping angel.**

 **A picture of a weeping angel, of course, not an actual weeping angel, how am I going to fit it in my bag anyways?**


	28. Chapter 28: Language!

**Warning: Profanity and swear words will appear in this chapter.**

 **Chapter 28: Language!** **  
**

 _R*NG R*NG R*NGR*NG R*****NG_

"Coming! Heck Rory, what in the world is wrong with our phone?" Amy said as she walked into the kitchen.

"Hello, this is Amy,"

"Cool, now this one is Scottish," a man said.

"Hello, who is this?" she asked, pressing the phone to her ear.

"Dude, you have a f*cking Scottish girlfriend!" the man called, presumingly to another person.

" _Hey, language!"_ she heard the Doctor yell from behind.

"Well, I don't give a sh-"

"Language!"

"Just f-"

"Language!"

"You language yourself you son of a bi-"

"Language!"

"God you're-"

"Language!"

"What! I didn't use any shi-"

"Language!"

"Look, okay, just stop yelling the f*cking word-"

"Oi, language!"

"You're f*cking impossible," the man muttered. "Ugh, bye Scottish girl, you must be fu-"

"Language!"

"sexy enough to have someone like this piece of sh*t-"

"Language!"

"to like you," he finished.

The call ended after that.

 **Hey guys, Izzy here. Got this idea from Captain America and Deadpool, the swearing person in my mind is actually Deadpool soooo yah.**


	29. Chapter 29: Doctor Who?

**Chapter 29: Doctor Who?**

 _ringrignringirngirngirnigrnignringirngirngirngirngirnirnrgnrgirnigrnblahhhi dont care_

"Hello, Amy Pond,"

"Knock knock,"

"Who is this?"

"Doctor,"

"Doctor if you don't stop playing these knock knock jokes on me,"

"Awwww Amy, you're suppose to say Doctor Who!"

 **Hey guys, Izzy here. My friend and I always play this joke on each other. It's** _ **AWESOME.**_ **It goes somewhat like this:**

 **-knock knock**

 **-who's there**

 **-doctor**

 **-doctor who?**

 **-say that again**

 **-doctor who? doctor who? doc-tor** _ **who?**_


	30. Chapter 30: Say that again

**Chapter 30: Say that again**

 _brinbringbringbringrbringrbrignrbgirngringirgbrignrbirgnr_

"Hello, this is Amy,"

"Knock knock,"

Amy let out a sigh, "Who's there,"

"Doctor,"

"Doctor who?"

"Say that again,"

"Doctor who,"

"Say that again,"

"Doctor, if you don't stop calling me about stupid knock knock jokes your future life will **not** be pretty," Amy growled.

She heard the Doctor gulp. The called ended after that.

 **Hey guys, Izzy here. Ah hahahhaa I changed the ringtone! If anybody noticed…**


	31. Chapter 31: Baby

**Warning: there will be one swear word in this chapter.**

 **Chapter 31: Baby**

 _ringdy bringdy ring ring bring-ga-ling-ding_

"Hello, Amy Pond," Amy said tiredly. Today was exhausting. She had community work this morning and she came back worn out from cleaning leaf crap. There was shuffling in the background as she heard the Doctor searching for something.

"Amy! Check out this new song I found!" he cried.

Amy rolled her eyes. "Oh it better be go-"

"AND I WAS LIKE, BABY, BABY, BABY, OHHHHHH,-"

"Sh*t," Amy said.

 **Hey guys, Izzy here. Sorry for those who don't like swear words, I just had to use it. Because the song was** _ **that**_ **bad.**

 **IS IT TOO LATE NOW TO SAY SORRRRY**


	32. Chapter 32: DADDY

**Sorry I forgot to update.**

 **Chapter 32: Daddy**

 _bringdy lingdy lalala too too baouslfleringrignrginrgrianof_

"Rory! Something's definitely wrong with our phone," Amy called from the kitchen. She picked it up and held it to her ear.

"Hello?" She heard a silent click. Her face instantly paled. Before she even had time to chuck the phone across the phone, a loud blaring noise shot from the-

"I GOT IT FROM MY DADDY! I GOT I FROM MY DADDY! I GOT IT GOT IT-"

She slammed the phone down.

Five minutes later, there were wailing sounds of police cars outside her house.

 **Hey guys, Izzy here. If you have Korean friends, you'll understand. Who has Korean friends by the way?**

 **Oh, and thanks for the reviews and favorites and follows and all those stuff. Someday, I'll become rich and I'll give you guys lots of money. But after I watch Sherlock Season Four. Or else no one lives. Especially Steven Moffat.**


	33. Chapter 33: Dentist

**Chapter 33: Doctor Hu?**

Today is a special day. Today, is actually going to be an extremely special day because today, the Doctor is going to see the dentist. And today, he is extremely excited because today is going to be his first day going to the dentist. Today is the day that the Doctor will have his teeth checked.

 _dingdingidngidngidng_

The Doctor urgently pressed the doorbell in excitement. A middle aged man opened the door. He broke into a smile.

"Hello there," a kind man said warmly while holding out his hand. "you're the Doctor, right?"

The Doctor nodded happily. "Today is going to be my first dentist appointment," he said proudly.

The dentist smiled, "Well, I hope you have good teeth then!" He lead the Doctor into a room.

"Oh, I almost forgot to introduce myself! Hi, I'm Doctor Hu, an-"

"Wait-wait a minute, what did you just say?" The Doctor interrupted, holding out a hand.

The old man looked a bit confused. "I-uh…I just said my name was Doctor-"

"Who," the Doctor finished, "you just said Doctor Who, the oldest question in the universe."

He took out his sonic screwdriver and started scanning the man in front of him. He flicked it up to check. "Hmm, interesting, perfectly human," he said, muttering to himself. "Then how, how did you know the oldest question in the universe? And most of all, how can that be your name, my name is Doctor Who!"

The old man quickly put up his hands in surrender, "Ahh, you must have gotten it wrong… my name is Doctor Hu, not Doctor _Who_ ,"

"Yeah, I know right? Weird!" The Doctor exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air.

The dentist looked even more tired than before. "Nonono, you've got it wrong, it's Doctor Hu, not Doctor Who,"

The Doctor stopped pacing around. "So… Doctor Whô?"

"No, its Doctor Hú," the man made an upwards motion with his finger.

"Whö?" The Doctor tried again.

"No, Hú,"

"Whò?"

"Hú,"

"Whō, Whô, Whò, Whõ?"

"No, just Hú,"

"Whœ?"

The dentist sighed. I knew it I should have retired, he thought miserably.

 **Hey guys, Izzy here. Yaaaaaaay, chapter 33! I had this in mind for a long time but never really wrote it.**


	34. Chapter 34: Interruption

**Chapter 34: Interruption**

 **Case here: Sherlock is trying to jump but is interrupted by the Doctor**

 _RINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!_

"Uh, hello Amy here,"

 _"_ _Amy!-"_

 ** _"_** ** _Wait, Sherlock who is it?"_**

 **"** **I have no idea someone seemed to have called the same time, however that highly impossible unless-"**

"Oh no, Doctor, are you using your special wifi phone again?"

 _"_ _What!? No! I double checked maybe something triggered th-"_

 ** _"_** ** _Hello, can someone tell me what's going on right now?"_**

 **"** **The Doctor seemed to have called his companion the exact time I called you causing all four of us to be on the same line-"**

 ** _"_** ** _Then why are you standing on the edge of Barts!?"_**

 _"_ _Oh, you're at that part!"_

 **"** **Shut up Doctor,"**

"Um, I did we should hang up Doctor? I think the other two are in the middle of something,"

 ** _"_** ** _Yes, Sherlock seems to be up to something crazy,"_**

 **"** **John I'm trying to suicide so everybody shut up and let me jump,"**

 _"_ _Oh, should I add that he's not going t-"_

 **"** **Doctor I told you to shut up,"**

"Doctor? Time to hang up?"

 _"_ _Wait! But I haven't told you about the time I stole this really cool car-"_

 **"** **Everybody just shut up Doctor hang up now,"**

 ** _"_** ** _No, Doctor don't you dare hang up till Sherlock steps off that ledge,"_**

 **"** **Come on John!"**

 _"_ _Uhh, Amy?"_

"Fine, whatever I'm just going to hang up,"

 _beep*_

 _"_ _Did she really just hang up?"_

 **"** **Doctor I suggest you to hang up then call her later,"**

 ** _"_** ** _No, Doctor don't listen to him, Sherlock step off the ledge right now-"_**

"Hey, does anybody want to hear how I won big last time in Vegas?"

 **"** **No, shut up Doctor and hang up,"**

"Okay, fine…"

 _beep*_

 **"** **Okay, where was I?"**

 ** _"_** ** _You said you were going to jump,"_**

 **"** **Oh yeah, so John I'm going jump and here's my note dang it they messed up my script!"**

 ** _"_** ** _Sorry what?"_**

 ** _—_**

 **Hey guys, Izzy here. I might add a chapter how the Doctor stole the 'really cool car' and how he 'won big in vegas'. Well, see you in the next chapter! Ciao.**


	35. Chapter 35: Las Vegas

**Chapter 35: Las Vegas**

One particular day, the Doctor happened to feel like landing in Las Vegas. And that day he happened to go to Treasure Island because he felt like it and when he felt like it he usually goes to do it like the dentist appointment last time.

And out of all the odds in the world, it was night time. And night time in Las Vegas is like the day time in San Francisco. So the Doctor happened to land day time Las Vegas in Treasure Island, right near it's infamous casino.

"One…two…three…four…" the Doctor counted as he moved his piece across the board. He gave a toss at the dice again. The entire table leaned forward, watching intently at the spinning dice. It stopped abruptly on the table. Everybody inclined toward the dice, eyes wide at the dots on the resting dice, perfect white sides almost blurring the surrounding people's eyes as they tried not to believe what they're seeing.

"Six!" The Doctor yelled, pumping his fist in the air. "Yes! Yes! YES!"

The entire table seem to let out a silent groan, their faces reflecting an oncoming storm. "Dang it John Smith," the man next to him grumbled.

Another man mumbled something about ripping his head off and someone else at the far end made some kind of smashing motion with his hands.

The Doctor only grinned like a manic, smile stretching from one side of the face to the other.

"Well, looks like I get to take all!" The Doctor said happily as he scooped the mound of banknotes from the center of the table to his side. Suddenly, he felt a large shadow overcome him. He looked up. A grubby, smashed up face glared back at him, frown so big the Doctor thought it was going to fall off the man's face.

"No, you're not," he growled.

The Doctor smiled weakly then pushed back the money. "No, I'm not," he agreed.

 **Hey guys, Izzy here. Here you go jh831, the chapter you wanted. Tell me what you think!**


	36. Chapter 36: Need horse

**Chapter 36: I need a horse**

The Doctor craned his neck, putting his hand above his eyes in attempt to block the sun. The village still remained there, stubbornly sitting in the mist of the dust, one entire mile away from him. With a temperature of 36 degrees celsius out there, he's never going to make it to the town on foot. Remembering his awesome riding in the last episode 'the Town Called Mercy,' he raised both of his hands, cause that's cooler, and yelled:

"I need a horse!" Then remembering the heat, and his swaggyness, he added, "And a stetson!"

There was eerie silence for a while.

"I NEED A HORSE!" He bellowed. Suddenly, out of nowhere a blonde boy riding a rather young looking lad popped up.

"Here, you can have Merlin, he's useless," blond boy said. The Doctor jumped two feet up in the air with glee. Then with a perfect timed flourish, he hoped on the dark-haired lad.

"TO THE STORMCAGE CONTAINMENT FACILITY!" he yelled, fist in the air.

 _20 minutes later…_

River was examining her space-like curly hair when there was a loud rap at her prison door. She turned around in exasperation, wondering who it was. When she saw what was standing outside her prison, she could've sworn she thought it was some kind of alien.

"What, in the name of sanity, are you riding on?" She asked incredulously.

The Doctor grinned wide. "I ride Merlins now, Merlins are cool," he said. Below him, Merlin seemed to be hyperventilating.

"Uh…I don't think you ride on them, Doctor," River said hesitantly.

The Doctor frowned. "But he's got a scarf!" He said, pointing to the red scarf around Merlin's neck. "I ride Merlin's with red scarves now, Merlin's with red scarves are cool,"

River mentally slapped herself in the face. This is never going to end.

 **Hey guys, Izzy here. I've been quite busy with all the stories going on so far so sorry… Thanks for Caireen Eiocha for the Merlin xover suggestion! Sorry jh831, still thinking about a way to introduce the Delorean.**

 **We're almost there guys, four more chapters to go! Thanks for all those reviews and favorites, it's extremely fun to write these one shots every week.**


	37. Chapter 37: Cough Drops

**Chapter 37: Cough Drops**

 _Ring BLING Ring Bling I got my friend addicted to Sherlock bling ring_

"Hello, Amelia Pond,"

"Amy!" A voice cried at the other end.

"Doctor, again." She groaned. Using her index finger, she wrinkled another cough drop wrapper and flicked it into the trash.

"Hey, you're eating something, whatcha eating?" The Doctor's curiosity got the better of him.

"Uh… it's just, stuff," she replied hesitantly, wondering why the Doctor wanted to know.

"Oh, can I have some?"

"Doctor we're a phone call away how am I going to give you the stuff I'm eating right now,"

"Delivery?" The Doctor asked hopefully.

"No, Doctor. And I'm not eating any food whatsoever, it's just medicine," Amy said, examining the can filled with light yellow wrappers.

"Medicine? What kind of medicine?" She could hear the slight worry in his voice mixed along with his general curiosity. Great, now the Doctor's worried about her health, Amy thought, setting the can back down on the table again.

"Uh… cough drops," she tried sounding normal.

The Timelord was silent for a few seconds. "What are cough drops?"

"Medicine to help with your coughing," she said as if there were nothing more obvious than that.

"…can I have some?"

Amy rolled her eyes. "No Doctor, it's my medicine, for coughing,"

"Oh…I see,"

The room fell into quiet atmosphere. Amy wondered what was going on in the Doctor's head when…

"cough cough cough,"

"Doctor, I can hear your ominous coughing," Amy said.

"I need cough drops," the Doctor answered.

"No you don't,"

"Amy, I'm coughing, I need cough drops,"

"No you don't,"

"I need them, I'm coughing,"

"No you aren't,"

"Amy…"

"Shut up,"

"…"

"…"

"cough cough cough,"

"Doctor-"

"Amy, I need cough drops,"

 **Hey guys, Izzy here. Mike Jaffa, I have taken your suggestion, it will be in the next chapter so look out for it! The Doctor must be hungry. :) I am open for suggestions, so if you want any chapters/crossovers, just tell me!**

 **I got my friend addicted to Sherlock even though I showed her a Doctor Who episode first. By show I mean, weeping angels, friend gets scared, vows to never watch Doctor who again. Probably not the best idea to show her the Time of the Angels episode…**


	38. Chapter 38: Weeping Angel

**Chapter 38: Weeping Angel**

"Hello, Amy here,"

"AMYAMYAMYAMYAMY-"

"Whoa whoa, Doctor, calm down, okay deep breaths, what's going on?"

"There's a-a, angel,"

"An," Amy corrected.

"Ri-right, there's an angel, she's I dunno, I think she's like, flirting with me?"

Her thoughts suddenly crashed down into a jumbled mess. "Wai-wait, a weeping angel is…flirting with you?!"

"Yes! Amy, have you not heard the first time I said it?"

"Uh, it's just, that's not… normal,"

"Yeah, I know right!"

A thought suddenly hit her. "Wait, how do you she's flirting with you?"

"She's blowing stone kisses at me,"

"Oh…" Amy stopped to think about it. For some reason, she cannot imagine the scene. "So… what's she doing now?"

"Uh, she's slowly moving towards me," the Doctor said nervously. There seemed to be violent shaking as the phone clattering against the wooden wall—of what Amy presumes—the Tardis.

As if on cue, the Tardis let out an angry creak.

"Doctor?"

No answer.

"Doctor?" She tried again, panic festering inside her. Even though the Doctor may be annoying sometimes, he's still her idiot friend that trips over couches.

Suddenly, "She's gonna kiss me!" The Doctor squeaked.

"Sorry, eh-what?!" Amy exclaimed.

"That weeping angel! She's gonna kiss me!" His voice grew into a scream. "Help Amy! I forgot how to kiss! I FORGOT HOW TO KISS!

Whaat? Amy thought.

"HEEEEEELP AMY,"

Amy's mind went blank with only one single term. Do what you're good at, her father's voice echoed back at her, reminding Amy of the chances that she has now.

"Run Doctor," she said. "RUN!"

And the Doctor ran.

 **Hey guys, Izzy here. Thanks for Mike Jaffa for the suggestion! Again, suggestions are welcomed! jh831, I'm excited about the next chapter by the way!**

 **I LOVE U GUYS REVIEWS BY THE WAY, I KEEP THEM SPECIALLY IN A SEPARATE DOCUMENT!**


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